The Three Stooges in Rivendell
by Pip the Dark Lord of All
Summary: What happens when the stupidest men in Middle-Earth try to get a job in Rivendell? Read and find out... This is based on the Three Stooges from the original Tv show.


This is based off of the old Tv show of the Three Stooges, not any of the modern versions. It would probably still be funny with our knowledge of the Three Stooges anyway. ;D

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Elrond was strolling through the gardens in Rivendell on peaceful day when Lindir ran up to him, very perturbed. "My Lord Elrond, there are three men at out door, asking if we have any jobs for them to do. They are very strange...perhaps you should go see them!"

"Why do you say they are strange?" asked Elrond. He knew most mortals were very queer, but surely these would be no different.

"I do not know how to explain it." Lindir said, wondering desperately what they were doing now. "I urgently suggest you..."

"Yes, I'm coming!" exclaimed Elrond, and left to see these odd mortals.

They entered the courtyard, and Elrond gasped in surprise. The three were in the depths of what seemed to be a serious argument, and the black-haired one kept slapping the other two. Lindir ran down to them. "Please, Lord Elrond is here!" he announced in a slightly terrified voice. The one who seemed to be the leader walked over. "Is he the one who's in charge of this here joint?"

Lindir glanced nervously at Elrond, who looked extremely disturbed. "Uh, yes...yes he is!"

The three immediately ran up to Elrond and shouted at the top of their lungs: "AT YOUR SERVICE DAY OR NIGHT! WE DO THE JOB AND DO IT RIGHT! I'm Moe, this is Larry, and here is Curly!"

Elrond attempted to calm them down, without success. "We do not have any jobs for you!"

"Oh, I'm sure you must have some!" said Moe. "Everyone does!"

"We have none! None at all!"

"Oh, a wise guy, eh?" growled Moe, sticking his face in Elrond's with a fierce scowl on his face.

"Lord Elrond is one of the wisest beings in Middle-Earth!" interjected Lindir helpfully.

"Shut up!" shouted Moe, and poked Lindir's eyes. Lindir jerked backwards, and clutched at his eyes. Elrond grabbed Moe by the arm. "You will no treat any of these elves so. Get thee gone, and take thy due place!"

Moe backed off. "Why, yes, of course!" Elrond glared at them. "Go on, leave!"

Moe looked dejected. "Aww, come on, have a heart! Don't you have anything we could do for a decent meal?"

Curly looked rather confused. "Hey, what's that?"

Moe stamped on his foot and Curly squealed. He continued. "Now, as I was saying, we three are willing to do anything for some food."

"They could scrub the kitchen floor." suggested Lindir, faintly hoping they would not want to.

"Yes!" shouted Moe.

"Let them do it." said Elrond. " I will be in my study."

"This way." said Lindir, and led the way.

"Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop!" went Curly.

Lindir raised an eyebrow but kept walking. They soon arrived in the kitchen. Lindir gave them a bucket of soapy water and some towels. Curly dipped one of the towels into the water, and began scrubbing his hair. Moe punched his nose.

"You imbecile! What do you think you're doing?"

"Washing my hair!"

"You're supposed to wash the floor, not your hair! Go on, get going!"

Curly looked defiant. "Rrrowf! Rrrowf!"

Moe slapped him. "Come on!" Lindir was beginning to wonder if these men were sane.

Larry broke in. "What is a decent meal?"

"I don't know, but it sure sounds good!" said Moe.

Curly paused in his scrubbing. "This reminds me of the reform school!"

Moe kicked him. "Shut up!"

Lindir was now making the O_O face. This was unbelievable...

Larry stood up, slid on the soap and dropped the pail of water on Moe's head. Moe dropped his towel and have Larry a death glare. "Why, you..."

"Oh, come on Moe, it was an accident!" pleaded Larry.

I'm sure." growled Moe, and smacked him. "Get going!" Larry dropped to the floor and kept scrubbing. Lindir walked over and tapped Moe on the shoulder. Moe spun around and slapped him.

"I told you too..aaaahhhhhh!" Moe leapt to his feet, realizing he had hit one of the elves. "Come on, fellas, let's go!" The three fled.

"No, wait, come back!" shouted Lindir, seeing that they were headed for Erestor's room. He chased them as quickly as possible.

STOOGES STOOGES STOOGES

Erestor was quietly writing out papers as usual. Suddenly his door burst open with a loud crash and three men ran in. One tripped over a pile of books and the others ran into him, landing in a pile in front of Erestor's desk.

"Ummm, hi!" said Moe cheerfully. "Who are you?"

Erestor stared at them in wonder. "Who are you?"

"WE ARE MORONS, TRIED AND TRUE, AND WE'LL DO OUR DANCE FOR YOU! GIUGIGUGIUGIG!" The three stuck out their tongues and danced around, making indescribable noises.

Erestor didn't know what to say. "Aren't you the three who were making such a ruckus earlier?" he finally stammered. "I believe you were supposed to scrub the kitchen floor."

"We...we tried!" said Curly nervously. "But Moe..."

Said person smacked Curly. "Moe what?"

"Nothin!"

Erestor raised an eyebrow. These were the strangest men he had ever met. Lindir burst in. "There you are!"

"Did they run away from you? You are quite a terror." laughed Erestor.

Lindir ignored him. "Come back, if there will be no food for you!" Grumbling and complaining, they followed.

"Can we have some food now?" asked Curly.

Lindir thought about it. He certainly had no interest in watching them clean again. "Come." He lead them to where some elves had some food. "Help yourselves."

Curly grabbed some nuts, throwing the meat away and eating the shells. "That's not the way to eat that!" exclaimed Lindir, marveling that such dumb people could even exist. "You don't eat the shells!"

"Why not?" By now, several elves were staring.

"Because...because..." Lindir did not know how to explain it. Meanwhile, Moe and Larry were fiercely arguing about pie. Lindir rolled his eyes for about the thousandth time that day. Moe suddenly threw a pie at Larry. However, he ducked and the pie hit Glorfindel right in the face. Glorfindel had just entered the room, and thought Lindir had done it. With a growl of rage, he grabbed another pie and threw it at Lindir. A general food fight ensued.

STOOGES STOOGES STOOGES

Elrond was watching the scene from a balcony above. "That does it!" he muttered. "They have to go!" He ran down, only to get a pie in the face. "Glorfindel!" shouted Elrond. "Those three men! They started this, get them!"

"AAAHHHHH!" went Moe, and fled with the others close behind. "After them!" shouted Elrond, and all the elves ran wildly after them.

STOOGES STOOGES STOOGES

Thranduil was looking forward to visiting Imladris. He had not been there in over 500 years and although relations between the two kingdoms where a bit strained, this would be a fine visit. As he rode into Imladris, the peace was suddenly broken by a clamour of angry voices. He looked around, wondering what it could be, when three men bolted past him and out the gate, making strange sounds. His eyes followed them as they ran into the woods. Strange, he thought. But when he turned, the strangest thing of all was facing him. Elrond, Glorfindel and all the stately lords of Imladris were standing there, covered in smashed pie. Thranduil stared for a moment, then burst into hysterical laughter. He would never let Elrond live this down.

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Review or...or I make you eat walnut shells! ;)


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